Healing In The Workplace: Insights From Haeli Harris, LMFT

Haeli: I would say the most common issues we see are anxiety and depression. People who have never experienced these symptoms may develop them during big life transitions like a divorce. Anxiety often shows up as this increased fear that something negative will happen, making it harder to concentrate. With depression, it is a grief process, a mourning of loss. People tend to feel sad, and hopeless and may isolate themselves, which only adds to the depression.

We also see anger in the workplace. People become short-tempered and difficult to work with because anger is often masking sadness, fear, or hopelessness. They might not know how to manage these emotions, so it comes out as anger.

Caroline: How do these emotions affect performance at work? Do they impact relationships with coworkers or managers?

Haeli: Definitely. Divorce is a loss, and with that comes the stages of grief—anger, denial, sadness, and acceptance. People are preoccupied with stress from their personal lives, making it hard to stay focused on tasks. This can also impact their relationships at work because they might pull away or act out in anger. They aren’t themselves, and that shows in how they interact with others. That is why I encourage clients to talk to their supervisor or HR, without necessarily sharing all the details, just to let them know something significant is happening. Building that communication can be helpful, although it is not always easy.

Haeli: It depends on the person. Some people, especially introverts, may need someone to reach out to them because they are less likely to ask for help. But it is also okay to wait and allow them to come to you. If you are a manager or in HR, and you notice changes in behavior or work performance, you can approach them by saying, “Hey, I have noticed this—anything going on that I should know about?” Building trust in professional relationships is key so employees feel comfortable opening up.

Caroline:  So it is about creating that relationship of trust where they know they can talk to you if something is going on?

Haeli: Exactly. It is not about having a friendship but building a professional relationship based on trust and empathy. That is something we train people on because it is crucial to creating a supportive environment.

Haeli: One of the biggest things is learning how to set healthy boundaries. It is normal for personal life to spill into work, but it is important to know when to step back. I encourage clients to “put things in a box” and use work as a healthy distraction. This doesn’t mean avoiding problems but allowing yourself a break from them by focusing on the tasks at hand.

Simple boundaries like turning off personal notifications or scheduling breaks to check messages can help. It is about finding balance, and work can be a helpful space to temporarily escape the stress of a divorce.

Caroline: That is great advice. Do you think working from home adds another layer of difficulty for people going through a divorce?

Haeli: Yes, it does. When you go to a physical workplace, there is a bit of an escape from your personal life. But when you are at home, it all blends together. I encourage people who work from home to set clear routines and dedicated office spaces. Create separation between work and home life, even if it is something as simple as doing a breathing exercise when transitioning between the two spaces.

Haeli: Workplaces can help by ensuring employees know how to utilize their insurance benefits, such as therapy or Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs). Sometimes companies also offer legal or financial assistance, which can be extremely helpful.

Flexibility is key. Allowing flexible schedules, especially for newly single parents, can be a huge relief. For example, they may need to handle more responsibilities at home, like when kids are sick or they have to manage new parenting duties. Flexibility, even if temporary, helps employees get back on their feet.

Caroline: That flexibility, especially for parents adjusting to new custody arrangements, must be a huge help.

Haeli: Exactly. It is not just about managing work; they are also managing the fear of potentially losing their job. That fear adds another layer of stress, particularly when they have gone from a two-income household to one. Flexibility and support from their employer can make a big difference.

Haeli: Yoga and mindfulness can be incredibly helpful, but the challenge is finding time. I remind people that taking care of themselves helps them find more time to do what needs to be done. Yoga, meditation, or even activities like gardening or walking can help reduce anxiety and stress. Mindfulness practices also help turn off the “fight or flight” response, allowing people to rest and recover.

Being mindful also helps people become more aware of their emotions and thoughts, making it easier to manage stress in a healthy way.

Caroline: It sounds like the more you practice it, the more beneficial it becomes over time.

Haeli: Yes, even just practicing mindfulness for a few minutes a day, multiple times throughout the day, can have a significant impact.

Caroline: Do you think offering workplace wellness programs, like yoga or mindfulness workshops, can help employees going through a divorce?

Haeli: Definitely. Encouraging employees to take part in these workshops helps them find time to focus on self-care without feeling guilty. At Nivati, we offer breathing technique workshops, yoga sessions, and workshops on managing stress and anxiety. These programs not only help with stress from a divorce but any major life transition.

Caroline: That is a great insight. Before we wrap up, is there any other advice you would like to give—either to people going through a divorce or to HR managers looking to support their employees?

Haeli: My main advice is to prioritize self-care. Divorce is an incredibly stressful time, and it is crucial to stay on top of your mental, physical, and emotional health. For employers, encouraging self-care and providing the right resources can make all the difference. Employees will show up better when they are supported in managing their stress.