Building Bridges: Insights From Couples Therapist Caralee Frederic

Caralee: I have been in this field for quite some time, so my journey is a bit of a long story. It all started in my senior year of high school when I took a psychology class and absolutely loved it. I had this realization—there was a better way to navigate life than what I had known. That passion led me to major in psychology in college, but along the way, I transitioned into social work. Now, I am a licensed clinical social worker.

Initially, I planned to work with children and families, particularly those dealing with ADHD, as it is something that runs in my family. I have always admired that population—they are incredibly creative, brilliant, and full of energy. However, as I worked with children, I realized that an hour with me, or even a group session, was not enough when they were returning to the same home environment. To make a greater impact, I shifted my focus to working with parents.

While working with parents, I saw how stretched thin they were, doing their absolute best. This led me to ask myself how I could be even more effective. My ultimate goal has always been to create the best possible environment for children to grow up in. That realization brought me to working with couples. I saw firsthand that when parents or partners have a stronger, healthier relationship, they can parent more effectively and create a more supportive home for both their children and themselves.

Around this time, I discovered Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned researcher on relationships. His work resonated deeply with me, and I eventually became a Gottman-certified therapist. I could go on and on about my admiration for the Gottmans, but I know you have other questions! Today, as a Gottman therapist, I specialize in working with couples in various capacities, helping them build stronger, healthier relationships.

Caralee: Before Dr. John Gottman began his research, there was very little solid scientific data on couples and relationships. He started his studies in the 1970s and spent decades observing thousands of couples, conducting longitudinal research rather than just short-term studies with brief follow-ups. His shortest studies followed couples for at least three years, while some extended over twenty years, repeatedly tracking the same couples to identify patterns in their relationships.

Gottman and his colleagues analyzed what distinguishes happy, long-lasting couples from those who are unhappy or eventually divorce. Thanks to this extensive research, we now have clear data outlining the behaviors and dynamics that contribute to relationship success. Personally, I am someone who values research and evidence—I want to know that what I am doing is actually effective and not just based on chance.

From this research, the Gottman Method emerged, providing a structured, evidence-based approach to helping couples communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts without reigniting them, and build stronger connections in everyday life. Unlike many traditional therapeutic approaches, which can be more passive, the Gottman Method is highly interactive and hands-on. It gives couples structured tools—guardrails, if you will—to guide their conversations. By following specific frameworks for discussing issues, couples experience more productive and constructive interactions. As therapists, we actively guide, adjust, and refine these discussions in real time to make them even more effective.

One of the key differences between the Gottman Method and other approaches is the sheer volume of research backing it—there is simply no other relationship methodology that comes close in terms of scientific validation. And it works. Couples appreciate it because it is concrete, actionable, and structured. Many men, in particular, find it helpful because it provides clear, practical steps, while women also appreciate the safety it creates for deeper, more vulnerable conversations. This structure allows couples to navigate difficult topics with greater confidence and emotional security, ultimately strengthening their relationship.

Caralee: Some of the most common misconceptions about marriage counseling come from what people see on TV or hear from friends who may have had their own experiences. A lot of people assume that when they come in, the therapist is going to take sides, deciding who is right, who is wrong, and pointing out everything they are doing incorrectly. Some even worry that they will be put on the spot or harshly criticized. However, especially with Gottman-trained therapists, that is simply not how it works.

Now, if a therapist is not specifically trained in marriage counseling, you might actually encounter that kind of dynamic, and unfortunately, many couples have had those experiences. But the role of a trained couples therapist, particularly in the Gottman Method, is to create a safe space where couples can have more productive conversations than they would on their own. The ultimate goal is to help them develop these skills so they can take them home and apply them independently, rather than relying on therapy indefinitely.

Another big misconception is that couples therapy is only for those in crisis, often on the verge of divorce. This belief leads many couples to wait far too long before seeking help. There is a widely cited statistic (though I have not looked up the exact figure recently) that a significant percentage of couples who finally seek therapy are already on their way to divorce court. At that stage, therapy sometimes becomes more of a “last-ditch effort” rather than a meaningful opportunity to repair the relationship.

I always encourage couples to come in earlier, even when things are not in crisis. I have worked with engaged couples and newlyweds who recognize that they did not have great role models for healthy relationships or know they struggle with conflict resolution. When couples take a proactive approach like this, I get excited because they are setting themselves up for long-term success. Investing in their relationship early on will benefit them for years to come.

So those are the main misconceptions I hear most often—that therapy is about assigning blame and that you only need it when your relationship is falling apart. These ideas are still incredibly widespread, but shifting that perspective could help so many more couples build stronger, healthier relationships before major issues arise.

Caralee: It is typically a mix of a few major challenges. The one most people expect is escalated conflict—couples are fighting more frequently, the arguments are becoming more intense, and they do not know how to stop the cycle. Many struggle with what to do after a fight or how to repair the relationship afterward. This kind of conflict can stem from a variety of topics—work-life balance, parenting, financial decisions, moving, or just about anything. When every conversation turns into a disagreement, it creates a crisis that often brings couples into therapy.

Another major challenge is betrayal, which can take many forms—affairs, unwanted pornography use, financial dishonesty, or even conflicts with in-laws that lead to deep resentment. These betrayals can be recent discoveries that throw the couple into immediate crisis, or they can be wounds that have accumulated over time, slowly eroding trust.

One challenge that people do not always think about, but is the number one reason for divorce, is drifting apart. Over time, couples can lose their emotional connection, feeling more like roommates than partners. This slow disconnection can be just as damaging as conflict or betrayal, yet it often goes unnoticed until the relationship is already in trouble.

Sometimes, couples who have drifted apart do seek therapy, especially if their values strongly support marriage and staying together. They may reach a point where they recognize that something is not right, that they have not been happy for a long time, and they want to see if they can reconnect with the help of a therapist.

The challenge with drift is that it is so gradual and subtle that many couples do not even realize it is happening until it feels too late. By the time they recognize the disconnection, they often believe they have simply fallen out of love and assume there is nothing that can be done to fix it, leading them to consider ending the relationship. This has become an even greater challenge in recent years, with factors like COVID and advancements in technology contributing to increased disconnection between partners.

Caralee: Discernment counseling was developed by Dr. Bill Doherty at the University of Minnesota, in collaboration with family law professionals. It is specifically designed for couples where there is ambivalence—either within one person, meaning they feel torn between staying and leaving, or between partners, where one wants to work on the marriage while the other is considering divorce.

Before discernment counseling, there was no structured process to help couples in this situation. Even with decades of experience in marriage therapy, there was a gap in addressing these scenarios effectively. Traditional marriage counseling assumes that both partners are committed to repairing the relationship and moving forward together. However, when one or both individuals are uncertain, that assumption no longer applies, making standard therapy less effective.

Discernment counseling takes a step back from working on the relationship itself and instead focuses on helping couples decide whether they want to put in the effort to repair it. The process clarifies the three main options:

1. Working on the relationship – actively committing to improvement.

2. Ending the relationship – deciding to separate or divorce.

3. Staying but not working on it – remaining in the relationship as it is.

Each session outlines these options, helping each person gain clarity and confidence in their decision based on a deeper understanding of what has happened in the relationship and their role in it.

Many couples find discernment counseling valuable because it permits them to openly discuss their uncertainty—something that can feel like the “elephant in the room” in traditional couples therapy. In marriage counseling, the expectation is to work toward repair, which can make it difficult for a hesitant partner to express their doubts freely.

Unlike traditional couples therapy, which includes a full assessment and treatment plan, discernment counseling focuses solely on where each partner stands right now. There is no attempt to actively fix the relationship; instead, it is about exploring the reasons for staying, leaving, or remaining in limbo. Discussions also cover the potential impact of each choice—how separation might affect co-parenting, finances, family relationships, and personal well-being, as well as the consequences of staying and working on the marriage versus staying without making changes.

Discernment counseling is a short-term intervention, typically lasting between one and five sessions. The “leaning out” partner—the one considering leaving—is only asked to commit to one session at a time, ensuring they do not feel pressured into a long-term process they may not be ready for. The goal is to help both partners make a clear, informed decision before moving forward in any direction.

Caroline: Are all sessions conducted with both partners together, or are there times when you meet with just one of them?

Caralee: Great question! Unlike traditional couples therapy, where both partners are together for most of the session, discernment counseling follows a different structure. The first session begins with both partners together so I can gather some basic information from each of them. After that, we split into one-on-one sessions before coming back together briefly for a summary and some input from me.

From the second session onward, the format shifts. The couple starts by checking in with me about where they stand that week, but the bulk of the session is spent separately—typically about 20 minutes per person. During this time, I work individually with each partner, helping them explore where they are in the decision-making process, what they are thinking, and what they need.

At the end of each session, I have them summarize one or two key takeaways from our conversation to share with their partner. Partner A shares their summary while Partner B listens without responding, and then we switch. After both partners have shared, I take the last 10 minutes to offer my insights, highlighting patterns I am noticing or key points for them to reflect on.

This structure allows for deep individual exploration while still maintaining a shared space for both partners to process their thoughts together. Most of the discernment counseling process is spent in one-on-one sessions, making it distinct from traditional couples therapy.

Caroline: Thank you for explaining! I imagine there are cases in discernment counseling where one partner is leaning toward separation or divorce while the other wants to work on the relationship. In those situations, how do you navigate the conversation and support both individuals?

Caralee: Yes, that dynamic is very common in discernment counseling. Many couples come in for traditional marriage counseling without realizing that discernment counseling is an option. When one partner is already halfway out the door, I introduce discernment counseling as a structured way to navigate that uncertainty.

In most cases, when one partner is leaning out, considering separation or divorce, the other partner, who wants to stay, naturally tries to pull them back in. This often looks like reminiscing about good times, making grand gestures like bringing flowers, increasing affectionate texts, or expressing love more frequently. However, this approach usually has the opposite effect—it reinforces the leaning-out partner’s desire to leave because they feel pressured rather than given the space to truly reflect.

A big part of my role is coaching the leaning-in partner to regulate their emotions and focus on becoming the best version of themselves, rather than trying to “win back” their partner. I help them shift their energy inward—what does it look like to focus on their own well-being instead of chasing after someone who is unsure?

For the leaning-out partner, I acknowledge and validate their concerns because if they were completely set on leaving, they would have already taken action. The fact that they are in my office means there is at least a part of them that is still undecided. My goal is to help them explore what they might not be fully considering. I ask them to reflect on what it would take—what changes or circumstances might make them open to working on the relationship. Not that they have to commit to that path, but simply to explore what it would require.

Ultimately, the process challenges both partners to step outside their instinctive reactions and look at their situation from all angles. The goal is to provide them with the clarity and confidence to move forward in the direction that is truly best for them.

Caroline: Do you think that for those who go through discernment counseling and ultimately decide to divorce, the process still benefits them in some way?

Caralee: I believe so. Based on both my training with Dr. Bill Doherty and my own experience, I have seen how discernment counseling helps couples gain clarity and confidence in their decision-making process. When individuals feel grounded in why they are making their choice, they do not feel the need to constantly defend or fight for it. Even if one partner still wishes to make the relationship work while the other does not, they at least reach a place where they have truly heard each other. This allows for a deeper understanding of the reasons behind the decision, beyond just assigning blame or assuming the worst about each other.

One of the key goals of discernment counseling is to help couples reach that plateau of clarity and confidence so that, if they do decide to divorce, they can do so with less contention. This can be particularly important for co-parents, as it sets a foundation for a more cooperative and respectful dynamic moving forward. When both individuals have had the opportunity to express their needs and emotions in a structured way, they are more likely to approach the divorce process with understanding rather than hostility.

Additionally, discernment counseling can help minimize second-guessing. Many people struggle with doubts, wondering if they have truly done everything possible or if they should give the relationship another chance. This process helps reduce that uncertainty, allowing them to move forward without as much hesitation or regret.

From a practical standpoint, it can also lead to a more streamlined divorce process. For attorneys and legal professionals, this means fewer delays, less back-and-forth, and ultimately lower legal expenses. When couples are not stuck in cycles of indecision, they can move through the necessary steps more efficiently.

Even for those who did not want the divorce initially, discernment counseling helps them reach a place of acceptance more quickly. Having these conversations in a structured and supportive environment makes it easier to process the reality of the situation, rather than feeling blindsided or emotionally unprepared. Ultimately, whether a couple chooses to stay together or separate, discernment counseling provides them with the clarity and emotional foundation to move forward in the healthiest way possible.

Caralee: If a couple decides to pursue therapy—whether through traditional couples counseling or discernment counseling—and ultimately realizes that the relationship is not going to work, they still gain something valuable from the process. By having put in the effort, they can move forward with confidence, knowing they truly tried. This allows them to set aside feelings of regret or “what ifs” and shift their focus toward co-parenting effectively.

Without unresolved resentment, misunderstandings, and lingering assumptions about themselves or their former partner, they are in a much better position to prioritize being the best parents they can be. Additionally, if they have learned skills for handling difficult conversations in therapy, those skills will directly benefit their co-parenting relationship. They will still need to navigate disagreements, find compromises, and work through conflicts in a way that prevents ongoing resentment. Having those communication tools helps them manage challenges more constructively, even after the romantic relationship has ended.

In discernment counseling, the process of gaining clarity and understanding often leads to a shared recognition of what is most important—the well-being of their children. The vast majority of couples I have worked with express a deep concern for how their divorce will impact their kids and a desire to protect them from unnecessary hardship. When both parents acknowledge this as a common goal, they are often more willing to collaborate, even if they do not see eye to eye on anything else.

Ultimately, therapy—whether aimed at repairing the marriage or simply bringing clarity to the next steps—helps lay the groundwork for a healthier, more cooperative co-parenting relationship. By reducing hostility, improving communication, and reinforcing their shared commitment to their children, therapy can make a significant difference in how they navigate their new family dynamic.

Caralee: I completely understand why people might feel hesitant about starting couples therapy. There are valid concerns—unfortunately, like any profession, there are both great and not-so-great therapists out there. Finding the right therapist takes some effort. Even well-intentioned therapists who are skilled in individual therapy may not have proper training in marriage counseling, yet they attempt to do it. That is why doing some research beforehand is so important.

If someone is unsure about therapy, I would recommend starting by gathering information. Talking to friends or family for referrals can be helpful, but do not just ask for a name—ask why they liked the therapist and what their experience was like. It is also useful to explore different therapy methods and find one that aligns with what you are looking for. A simple Google search, reading about approaches like the Gottman Method, or even checking online reviews can provide valuable insight.

Beyond therapy, there are so many accessible resources that do not require a big financial or time commitment. Webinars, podcasts, mini-courses, and workshops are great ways to dip your toes in before making a full commitment. For example, I offer couples workshops over a weekend that cover key principles and skills. Sometimes, that is all a couple needs—they take what they have learned and apply it on their own without needing long-term therapy.

The Gottman Institute (gottman.com) also offers a variety of self-paced programs, modules, and educational content at an affordable price. Exploring these resources first can help couples get a clearer idea of what they want from therapy, making it much more effective and efficient if they do decide to move forward. Doing some groundwork beforehand can ultimately save time and money by allowing therapy to be more focused and productive.

Personally, after years of leading workshops, I have seen firsthand how much of a difference it makes. In an ideal world, I would encourage every couple to attend a workshop before starting therapy—not as a requirement, but because those who do tend to make faster progress. They come in already knowing their strengths and areas for growth, allowing us to focus on what truly needs attention. As a result, they do not stay in therapy as long, and they use their time much more effectively.

Caralee: A little bit, yes—especially over the past year. We are always open to collaborating more with family law firms. Discernment counseling is still a relatively new program; it was developed during COVID, and I became certified in it in 2020. So, we are still in the phase of raising awareness and educating both professionals and the public about how it works. Of course, like anything, finding the time to do that outreach can be challenging, but it is something we are committed to expanding.

In an ideal world—and based on how Dr. Bill Doherty envisions the collaboration—there would be a strong partnership between discernment counseling providers and family law firms. When I work with a couple who ultimately decides to divorce, I would love to be able to say, “Here are a few law firms I trust, where I know you will be treated well. They will help you navigate this process collaboratively rather than turning it into a battle.” It is important to me that the couples I work with have a good experience moving forward, and knowing they are in capable, supportive hands makes a big difference.

On the flip side, we also want family law firms to be aware of discernment counseling as a resource. When couples come to them still struggling with ambivalence, grief, anger, or uncertainty, they should know that there is a space for them to work through those emotions before fully engaging in the legal process—or even in tandem with it. If couples go through discernment counseling first, they often return to their attorney with greater clarity, a better understanding of their situation, and a more grounded ability to make decisions. I cannot say they will have less emotion—because, of course, this is an incredibly emotional process—but they may be better able to regulate those emotions, making the legal proceedings smoother and less reactive.

Ultimately, the goal is for all of us to work together to improve the experience for couples and families going through this transition. A more supportive and intentional approach benefits not only the individuals involved but also their children, who are impacted by how their parents navigate this process.

Caroline: From your perspective, what are some common psychological challenges your clients experience, and how could lawyers adapt to be more mindful of these challenges?

Caralee: That is a great question, and I appreciate it. I am actually going through this process myself right now, and experiencing it firsthand has been incredibly eye-opening. One of the biggest challenges, I think—both in my profession and in the legal field—is remembering that while professionals are comfortable navigating these systems, most clients are not.

For many people, divorce is an entirely new experience. They have never been through it before, and it is an intimidating and overwhelming process. The legal system itself can feel authoritarian, and clients often feel like they are in trouble just for being there. There is a lot of fear—fear of the unknown, fear of the court system, and of course, the emotional weight of the divorce itself. Clients are bringing grief, anxiety, and helplessness into an already stressful situation, and those emotions are some of the most intense and difficult for humans to process. When people are in that state, they are not at their best, and that is something I have to remind myself as a therapist. My office may feel familiar to me, but for my clients, it is unfamiliar and sometimes even intimidating. Attorneys can benefit from keeping that same perspective—understanding that their clients are likely feeling vulnerable and out of their depth.

One of the challenges I often hear about—and I hope this is not as common as it seems—is that some clients feel like their attorneys drop them because they are “too emotional.” I have heard this most often from women, who say they felt anxious, overwhelmed, or had a lot of questions, and then suddenly found themselves without representation. Now, I do not know if that is the actual reason attorneys let them go, but that is the perception these clients are left with. That feeling of being abandoned or dismissed only adds to their distress.

One of the most helpful things attorneys can do is focus on clear, consistent communication. Many clients do not fully understand what their attorney’s role is, what is expected of them as the client, or what steps come next in the process. When they do not have that information, it adds to their fear and uncertainty, making them harder to work with. Regularly explaining things—such as what is happening, why certain legal actions are being taken, what the other side is arguing, and what the client needs to do—can make a huge difference. Even outlining choices clearly, like “I can handle this for you at an additional cost, or you can handle it yourself,” helps clients feel more informed and in control.

As a therapist, my job is to help people communicate effectively and clarify misunderstandings. I do not know how much training attorneys receive in communication, but in my personal experience, I have had to fire attorneys because I felt they were not clearly explaining things to me or advocating for me in a way that I understood.

I believe most attorneys have empathy for their clients, but they also have to stay within their professional role. Acknowledging the emotional aspect of divorce, rather than trying to minimize it, can be helpful. Even something as simple as saying, “I understand this is a difficult and emotional process. I highly recommend you seek therapy to help you process these feelings, so that when we meet, we can focus on the legal aspects more effectively,” can be beneficial. Many people do not naturally think to seek therapy during a divorce, but having that recommendation from their attorney might encourage them to get the support they need, making the entire process smoother for everyone involved.

Caralee: Yes, definitely. There have been some significant shifts in recent years. COVID-19 had a massive impact on relationships and families, and unfortunately, I struggle to see any real benefits that came from it. The way we responded to it has had lasting consequences, and we are still seeing the ripple effects today, many of which are not positive.

Over the past year or two, after decades in this field, I have noticed an unprecedented surge in divorce filings. It feels like we are in the middle of a divorce epidemic. Everywhere I turn, more couples are separating at record rates. The stress and isolation from the pandemic seem to have accelerated existing fractures in relationships, leaving many couples struggling to reconnect.

Another major trend is the increasing intrusion of technology into relationships. This issue has been growing over time, but COVID intensified it because we were all forced to rely on technology in ways we never had before. What was once optional became mandatory—whether for work, socializing, or even basic daily functions. Now, people are more distracted than ever, and that distraction is negatively affecting their closest relationships—whether with their partners, children, or even coworkers.

I also hear from colleagues who work with young adults that this generation is struggling even more with interpersonal relationships. Many of them do not even leave their homes or engage in face-to-face conversations, making it harder for them to form and maintain deep connections. I often wonder what that will look like in the next decade or two, especially for those who want meaningful relationships but do not know how to start.

Beyond COVID and technology, the ongoing economic stress is another significant factor. The financial strain has been relentless for years now, without much relief. People are stretched thin, working harder than ever while juggling packed schedules. As a result, many couples are finding it harder to connect. They have no time to play, relax, or even have meaningful conversations. Their lives become consumed by work and parenting, leaving no space for the things that initially brought them together.

A lot of these struggles stem from larger systemic and societal pressures, which makes it even harder for couples to navigate. It is difficult to watch, and even harder for people to experience firsthand. Relationships are being impacted in ways we have never seen before, and the challenge now is figuring out how to rebuild connections in a world that keeps pulling people apart.

Caroline: We touched on social media earlier, do you have anything else you would like to add on that topic?

Caralee: I believe that the more we rely on technology, the less we develop the ability to regulate our emotions and engage in meaningful conversations, especially difficult ones. Technology has become an easy way to distract ourselves from anything uncomfortable, which means people are not learning the skills needed to show up fully in conversations, let alone handle conflict effectively.

I even notice this in my own life, despite being someone who is not a big fan of technology. When I am spending time with friends, we will be deep in conversation, and then suddenly, someone checks their phone. A moment later, we are all doing it. No one is offended because it has become so normalized, but I catch myself thinking, This is crazy—we did not use to interact like this.

My youngest is currently traveling the world and has made similar observations. He has told me, Mom, everybody here is on their phones, too—even in Europe, in Greece, in front of incredible historical landmarks. He cannot understand why people are looking at their screens instead of the Acropolis or a castle right in front of them. And I just tell him, Yes, this is what it has come to—everyone is constantly distracted by their devices, no matter where they are.

It is almost like we are living through a global epidemic of distraction. As attention spans shrink, so does our ability to truly engage with others, be present, and manage the emotions that arise in relationships. The challenge is that emotions do not go away—they still surface, but people are less equipped to process them in a way that keeps their relationships strong.

Caroline: Talking about technology, what about dating apps?

Caralee: Yes, dating apps are problematic—and not just because I think so. Over the past year, I have seen an increasing number of people publicly expressing their frustration with them. Many are saying, “I’m done with dating apps. They are terrible. The people on them are awful. How are people meeting each other now?” These conversations are happening more and more in public forums, and it is clear that a lot of people are feeling disillusioned with online dating.

Interestingly, Dr. John Gottman’s research has also pointed out that dating apps are built on algorithms that do not work for fostering long-term relationships. So, it is not surprising that people are growing frustrated with them. I would not be surprised if dating apps start to decline in popularity unless someone creates a new model that genuinely works better.

Part of the issue is that dating apps are a catch-all. People who are genuinely looking for serious relationships are on them, but so are those looking for casual hookups, and everything in between. This makes the experience feel unpredictable and, for many, unsafe. You never really know what someone’s true intentions are until you are already invested in a conversation, which can lead to a lot of wasted time and emotional exhaustion.

Beyond that, there is a fundamental difference between talking to someone through a dating app and engaging in a real, face-to-face conversation. I do not see how dating apps are helping people develop meaningful connections; in fact, I suspect they are making it harder. One concern I have been reflecting on is that we seem to be losing the art of intimacy and deep connection.

This ties into a larger issue that has been building for years—loneliness. Before COVID, in 2019, the U.S. Surgeon General compiled data highlighting an epidemic of loneliness. However, that research was overshadowed when the pandemic hit. COVID only made the problem worse, and now, even though we have valuable insights from that research, we are not talking about loneliness as much as we should.

So, when you combine the decline in in-person social skills, the frustration with dating apps, and the lingering effects of the pandemic on connection and intimacy, it is clear that something needs to shift. People are craving real connection, but the current systems are not making it easy to find.

Caralee: It is difficult to narrow it down to just one key piece of advice. But if I had to choose, I would say this: lasting, happy relationships are built on the small things we do every day. The way we speak to each other matters. Whether we speak to each other matters. The amount of time we spend together matters. Relationships require intentionality and effort.

There is a common fantasy that if a relationship is meant to be, it should not take work—but that is not true. Relationships require effort because they are among the most important aspects of our lives.

Beyond that, I think it is important to recognize that as human beings, we are hardwired for connection—biologically, evolutionarily, and even spiritually. Secure, meaningful relationships are essential to our well-being. That connection is what allows us to thrive, and yet, many people do not take it as seriously as they should. It is something we often take for granted, assuming it will just happen naturally. But in reality, strong relationships require conscious attention and care.

At the same time, self-care plays a crucial role. Maintaining a healthy relationship is not just about pouring into others—it is also about taking care of yourself. One does not cancel out the other. If you neglect yourself entirely and only focus on your relationships, that is not sustainable. Likewise, if you focus only on yourself and neglect your relationships, you will miss out on the deep connection that brings fulfillment.

So whether you are single, married, or divorced, the principle remains the same: pay attention to yourself, do the things that keep you happy and healthy, and extend that same effort to your relationships. When we prioritize both, we create the foundation for a fulfilling and meaningful life.